My fellow Bereans,
I take comfort in knowing that when a thought comes that is new to me, I am not the only one who’s thought it. That is your disclaimer…. of sorts.
Have you ever been in a place where God should be, only to discover He was not? And upon that discovery, have you ever felt grief grip your heart? A grief for the absence of the presence of God?
Before a few days ago, I could not say I’d ever encountered this kind of grief. My former pastor spoke often about the moods of God and traveling the chambers of His heart (by invitation) for an introduction to what moves Him. We can sense His presence and discern His presence in a place.
I think I am coming to accept that when I do not sense His presence, maybe that is the time I am called or prompted to be a witness — plant, water, be a light, be salt, show love, etc.
But when I felt this pang of grief I was in a jovial atmosphere. There was laughing and excitement, anticipation and joy. I was enjoying the moment, when boom — GRIEF. It was like helping someone with a bag who had their hands full only to find quickly the bag I had was increasingly heavy. My eyes welled up with tears and I had to leave the room. It took a while to recover, and throughout the evening, the grief lifted just enough to let me participate.
Y’all, I was at a wedding.
For some of you, this is a regular thing. People may label you a killjoy because you find a way to, with as much love as possible, give warning or share the will and heart of God. I write this as a hug for you, and a tribute to you because this is tough. I think of experiences like this and wonder, is this part of our co-laboring with God, where He has to share His heart and moods with us? Of course I believe it a call to prayer, to let the God-grief work in us the Father’s intention — be it understanding, revelation, empathy, or wisdom.
I am still unpacking the experience. One strength and weakness of being a lifelong learner is that I can selfishly find a lesson for me in just about anything. I desperately search for value in experiences so that I can reason them into a principle, supplication or something I can use to enhance my discipleship.
When I understand why I felt this grief in a happy place, I’ll let y’all know. If you have gained understanding from your experience, feel free to share in the comments how the Holy Spirit walked you through this. Selah, and love to all.
Educator - Advocate - Writer
"In the darkness of night, I wait expectantly for understanding and knowledge for your people."
Rooted Grounded Fixed and Founded in the Love of God